Metamorphosis (Chapter 14)

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, naked and looking at my body. It had been two days since dad had told me everything he’d been keeping from me, and yet it felt more like it had only been an hour ago. I gazed at myself, trying to come to terms with the fact that this body was permanent. The devils or witches, or whatever they had been that provided dad with the means to do this, had told him that they could do nothing to fix me. Despite this, in the deepest parts of my mind, I prayed for a miracle…something that could make me a boy again. However, those hopes could do nothing against the fear I felt.
I calmly put on a bra and panties, grumbling about how I would never be rid of these undergarments. I stepped out of the bathroom and put on a pair of tight jeans that hugged my legs. I slepped on a cardigan and grabbed my newsboy cap. I glanced back at myself in the mirror and sighed, knowing that the clothes I wore did nothing to hide the truth I had seen when I was naked.
“I’m stuck like this…stuck as a girl.” I muttered in defeat.

I walked out of my room and downstairs. Mom and Dad were in the kitchen…but they were deathly silent. After the night when Dad had revealed everything to us, the two hadn’t spoken much at all, and Mom was still furious that Dad had done this to me…perhaps she was even more furious by the fact that now he couldn’t even right his own wrong.
“Chase!” Mom cried, when she saw me coming. “How are you feeling, honey?”
“I’m hungry.” I said, honestly. Mom smiled sadly and walked around the kitchen counter to me.
“There’s some toast in the toaster. I have to go to work though. If you need anything at all, just call me.”
“I know Mom, thanks.” I answered. Mom kissed my forehead and then hurried out the door. I went to the toaster and grabbed the two slices and sat down at the table. Dad was sitting there as well, but I said nothing to him. I simply began spreading butter and ignoring him.
“Chase…” he whispered softly, as if afraid to speak. I heard him, but I did not respond to him. The sound of his voice brought only pain. “…son I…”
“That word,” I hissed, “doesn’t really apply to me anymore, Dad.” Dad winced like he had just been struck.
“Son,” Dad repeated desperately, “I am so sorry. I can never make up for this mistake. I’ve hurt you and your mother, and I know that. Please, try to understand…that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
“But it did, Dad.” I growled, biting into the toast. Dad sighed for a moment, knowing that he wasn’t getting through to me with excuses.
“Chase, if I could do anything to fix this…” His voice trailed off as tears built into his eyes, knowing the pain his words caused not only me but himself. He was just as hurt and crushed as I was…and for a moment, I felt my own wall of anger come down.
“Dad…”
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Chase…but I only ask that you recognize that…I truly am sorry.” Dad pleaded. I didn’t respond to him, but only ate my toast in silence and considered what all he had said. In the end, no matter how I looked at it, or how mad I could be at him, he was still my dad…and I could never truly hate the man.
“Dad,” I replied, “I do forgive you…but I’m afraid…that you’ve torn down my wall of trust.” This was a phrase my dad had always used on me when I was a child. Whenever I lied to my parents or I did something wrong, my dad would always say that I had torn down his wall of trust, and said that it would take a long time for me to rebuild that wall. It was a guilt trip technique…and it would always work on me. And this time, I knew that it would work on my dad. He winced and lowered his head.
“Perhaps, I don’t deserve to rebuild that wall.” Dad muttered. I didn’t answer him, and I didn’t want to. I finished my toast and put my dishes away. I stood by the dishwasher and began to think about my next course of action.

I was a girl now in body…but not in mind. I still wanted my old body back, but I also knew that this was impossible. I had to start questioning my future and what I was to do now that my life was now about to be changed forever. So many questions…so many changes…so many fears. What would I say happened to Chase, since everyone thought I was Cheryl. Should I tell them the truth, or say that Chase died in a tragic accident? Would I have to start going to my old school, or would Mom and Dad keep sheltering me? Would I even have a future with Naomi now…or was that possibility beyond me forever? The thoughts brought the burning tears to my eyes.
I made my decision. If this was indeed to be my future…it was time for me to stop hiding my feelings, and stop hiding who I was. It was time I took action. I buttoned my cardigan and adjusted my hat.
“Dad, I’m going out.” I said. Dad looked up with shock.
“What?”
“You heard me.” I said forcefully, my irritation with him festering once again. “I’m taking my bike and going out for a while.”
“Where are you going?”
“It’s not your concern.” I snapped.
“Chase, it is my concern! You’re my son…and I-”
“Dad, don’t say that you care about me now…not after this.” Dad fell silent almost instantly. I turned and showed him the angry red tears in my eyes. “I forgive you dad, but that doesn’t change the fact that your actions ruined my life. I’m not ready yet…maybe I’ll never be ready to trust you again. But until you can rebuild that wall of trust, I want you to just let me decide what I want to do…instead of you and mom deciding it for me.” With that, I slammed the door and screamed furiously.
I grabbed my red bike off of the rack and put it on the ground. I half expected…and half wanted…my dad to come running out the garage door to hug me and cry with me, like he always used to. But this time, he didn’t. I kind of knew he wouldn’t. And that fact, only made me feel more guilty. I had been so mean and so harsh to him. Not even HE deserved that, and even if he did…I shouldn’t have taken it all out on him like that. However, I had no time to stand here and keep crying. I dried my eyes and climbed on my bike.
Where was I going though? The mall? No…I wouldn’t know the first thing about shopping like a girl, and I didn’t want to be alone right now. Naomi’s place? Though part of me wanted to go to her, I didn’t know what to say. Would I tell her the truth? Would I hide everything like I always had? As I considered that option, I thought about my dad…and the truths that he had hidden from me.
“No, I’m not hiding this anymore.” I growled. I kicked the kickstand up and I pedaled out of the driveway down the street. It would be hard to tell Naomi…but perhaps there was someone else…As I flew down the street, her face came to my mind and I smiled. If anyone would understand…if anyone would accept me the way I was…it would be her. She’d always been a good friend, and she would believe my story. She might even help me.

I went down the streets and came upon a small house just off the road with a white picket fence going around the front lawn. It was a very quaint and “out of the way” sort of place. I had only been here a few times in the past, but I always loved looking at it. I set my bike to the side of the fence and rushed across the front lawn to the front door. As I stopped at the door, I paused a moment, wondering what exactly I would say to her. How would she respond to the truth? How would I prove it? Before I could even prepare myself, the door swung open.
“Hello?” She stood standing at me from the front door. Her hair was soft and done combed. Her oriental eyes stared at me expectantly, and on her body was a pinkish sweater with sweatpants. “I saw you coming up the road from the window.”
“Oh, hey Kimberly…you um…you saw me before.” I muttered, trying not to look her in the eyes.
“Yes, you’re Cheryl right? Chases cousin. How is he?” She asked. I stood dumbfounded a moment, surprised how much she remembered.
“Well…yes…it’s a long story. Do you mind if I come in?” I asked. Kimberly smiled and stepped aside for me to walk inside. The room was painted a very lovely and soft color. The den was to my right with a tv and a couch. To my left was her kitchen, and I could see a path behind her that likely lead to the bedrooms. It was a nice house on the inside just as much as it was on the outside.
“So, how is Chase?” Kimberly asked. “I’m worried about him.” I grimaced, knowing that there was no turning back now. I turned away from her, blushing furiously.
“Kimberly,” I whispered, “I…I am Chase.”

There was a long silence between us for a moment, when suddenly Kimberly burst into laughter. I shot her a frustrated glance, knowing that she didn’t believe me.
“You really had me going there!” Kimberly laughed. “I thought you were being serious.”
“I am serious.” I answered. Kimberly’s smile faded.
“You are?” Kimberly asked. “But, you cannot be Chase…you’re a girl.”
“I know!” I answered forcefully. “I was turned into a girl about a month ago…I don’t know why or how. All I know is that I woke up in bed this way.” Kimberly’s face turned very serious and almost threatening.
“Stop making fun of me.” She growled. “And stop making fun of Chase too. Chase is my friend, and I’m not stupid. I suggest you leave.”
“Let me prove it!” I cried, the familiar tears building up, knowing that I was losing this fight. Kimberly glared at me angrily.
“No, you’re just trying to make fun of me. Now get-”
“Kimberly, where is my coat?” From down the hall came a little boy of about 7 years old. He was Kimberly’s younger brother. I had seen him several times when I had been helping my Mom at the elementary school, and I had met him once when I visited Kimberly’s family. I even knew his name. He looked up and saw me and gave me a funny and confused look. “Hello, lady.” He said.
“Hey, Eric.” The boy giggled when I said his name. Kimberly looked back at Eric.
“It’s in the kitchen.” She turn looked back at me, a look of stunned amazement on her face. When Eric ran to go get it, she spoke again. “How did you know his name!?”
“Because, I had met him before, when I was Chase. I’ve met your whole family before.” I assured her.
“But, this is impossible! There’s no way that you’re Chase!” I grabbed her arms and looked her in the eyes. We stared at each other for a few seconds.
“Kimberly, look at me! Please…you have to believe me. I AM Chase!!” Kimberly gazed into my eyes for so long, I felt like she was peeking into my very soul. I blushed, not having held a girl like this before and feeling very awkward. If I had still been a boy, this would have been almost romantic…but like this, what did this make it? Kimberly finally leaned close and her eyes widened, as she touched my cheek and gazed at my eyes.
“Your eyes…they’re…they’re Chase’s!” She gasped. “You ARE Chase!” I let out a shaky breath, happy that she finally believed me.
“Thank God you believe me.”
“But, Chase…how? Tell me everything!” She took my hand and lead me to her couch and sat down next to me. I took in a deep breath and then finally spoke. I told her everything. I told her about waking up as a girl. I told her about the fear and the tears. I told her about going shopping for clothes and feeling like my mom’s personal Barbie for a while. I told her about sneaking into school under the disguise of Cheryl and even about my first period. When I finally told her about my Dad somehow being involved, she gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. I finished my story and took off my hat, letting my hair fall over my face.

“I don’t know what to do, Kimberly. I don’t know what I can do. The only thing I do know is that I’m sick of the secrets and the lies. I needed to tell someone, and I don’t care what my parents think. I wanted to tell you.”
“So what are you going to do now?” Kimberly asked.
“I don’t know.” I said. “I really don’t. Should I keep trying to find a way back…should I try to be masculine? Should I just surrender to it and start acting like a girl? I don’t know what I need to do.” Kimberly reached over and put her hand on mine and smiled.
“I don’t have school today. So I’ll help you figure it out.” Kimberly said.
“How?”
“Well, let’s go do some girl stuff and see how you take to it.” Kimberly offered. “It’ll help you understand the other side a bit better.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“We could do each others hair…”
“Pass.”
“We could do make up…”
“No way.”
“We could try on dresses.”
“No.”
“You can’t say ‘no’ to everything.” Kimberly giggled. I rolled my eyes.
“I just…don’t feel comfortable doing any of those things.” I said. “I’m not sure I can do any of those things.”
“Alright, well then…how about we do something you want to do first, and then we can work our way into the other stuff? What do you want to do?” I shrugged my shoulders at the question.
“I don’t know.”
“Then let’s go shopping!” Kimberly said. “That’s something both boys and girls can do, and maybe we’ll find an outlet for you.” I wasn’t too excited about going shopping again, but I also knew that refusing this wouldn’t get me anywhere. Was I really ready to start taking my steps into being a girl? No…no I really wasn’t. But at the same time, I needed some answers and I needed to know what my next course of action would be. This was my best lead, and I knew that I couldn’t do this alone. I stood up and put my hat back on.
“Alright, we can do that.” I said. Kimberly giggled and took my arm as she lead me to the door.
“The first thing you’re going to need…is a purse.” She said. I groaned under my breath.
“This is going to be a long day.”