"Chase, it's time to get up!" I rolled over, not wanting to get out of bed. I was so comfortable…in fact, I had slept better tonight than I had slept in a long time. For so many nights now I had slept so uncomfortably…and I would only sleep for maybe 3 or 4 hours at a time. Part of the reason was because my bed was a bit too small for me. The twin size bed was fine when I was still 6 feet tall…but now I'm 6 feet and 5 inches and athletically built! My feet dangle off of the sides and I can never get comfortable. Then there are the nightmares and thoughts that fill my head. The thoughts of going to school…and the people that were there. It seems odd, right? I mean, why would someone like me be afraid of my peers at high school. The fact wasn't that I wasn't really afraid of them…they were afraid of me.
I'm not a bad person! I'm no bully! In fact, for the first part of freshman and sophomore year…I was beating down on the bullies! I was bigger, stronger, and more physically fit than most of my peers. I thought that this might make up for my fears of being social and outspoken. However, it only proved to make things worse. True, the bullies now give me a very wide birth, and they quickly leave the scene when they see me coming…but so does everyone else in school. It can actually be very heartbreaking. I can never sit down and have a quiet conversation with someone…even if I did have the self-confidence to…because they'd run away.
Mom calls me a "gentle giant," and that I shouldn't be afraid of being myself. "Sometimes," she says, "if you want people to like you, you have to stop trying to impress and improve yourself…and start trying to just be yourself." While I love and respect my mom…I could never understand how she could make it sound so easy. My dad said that I was very fortunate to have such a well built and athletic body…he called it a blessing. Truth is though, I would give it all up just to be accepted and liked. Last night, I had prayed for just that. I threw myself down on the bed and pleaded that I could be liked…that for just one day I could see things from a new light and get a new look on things. I just wanted to know that I mattered…and that I could maybe have a social life. Just to see things from the other side, even if just for one day!
"Chase, I'm not calling you again. Get up now!" My mom barked again. I groaned and finally pushed the covers off of me. I didn't want to move, but I knew that mom would come in and shout at me if I didn't move…so I decided that my best course of action was just to go along with her wishes. I lifted myself up and slid out of bed. I stretched and yawned loudly. When I slept, the only clothing I wore was my boxers and a blue nightshirt that always hung loose on my body. However, today it felt TOO loose. It was practically falling off of my shoulders. I pulled up on it…but then realized that my shirt really was slipping off of my shoulders! My shoulders were no longer broad and large. Clearly I wasn't fully awake yet. I just shrugged it off and brushed my hair out of my face.
Hair? I pulled on the strands and saw that my long brown locks were now hanging past my eyes! Now I was feeling myself come to my senses. My hair was normally pretty closely cut…how could it have grown so long overnight?! As I touched at my hair I couldn't help but notice that my fingers and hands looked very different as well. Boxing and baseball had made my large hands hard and calloused…but now they were small, soft and dainty. These weren't my hands!
"I need a mirror…I need a mirror right now!" I ran to my bathroom across from my bed and grabbed at the light switch…and I screamed.
The reflection looking back at me was a very beautiful and petite young girl wearing my blue nightshirt which was sliding off my shoulder…and even my boxers! She had long brown hair that fell down to my back and she had deep hazel eyes…like mine! Her skin was beautiful and smooth and her body was very thin and curvaceous. At first I thought that there was someone behind me…or that maybe it was a window or something. Maybe dad had played a prank on me? But as I walked to the mirror and reached out my long and smooth hand towards the glass, and my reflection repeated my action…there was no denying that the girl in the reflection was me! I could feel a pair of small and ample breasts under my nightshirt and while I could feel those…there was something else that I could no longer feel between my legs. As I made this connection, I felt my face suddenly go very red and I closed my eyes tight, wishing this horrible nightmare to go away.
"God make it go away-EEP!" I suddenly threw my hands to my throat as I heard a voice so different from my normal, deep, male voice come out of me that I thought I was choking on something! "Testing,! One! Two! Three!" I spoke up. I gasped again. There was no denying that the high and feminine voice coming from my mouth was definitely my new voice. I instinctively placed my arms around my chest to cover myself, despite the fact that I was still wearing my blue shirt. I felt tears well up in my eyes and I felt myself getting choked up…a crying fit was coming. Why though? I hadn't really cried in years!
"Chase, I warned you…you get up and come downstairs right now or I'll-" My mom stormed into my room and saw that my bed was empty. She spun to face me…and we both froze. There was a brief moment where we both just took each other in. My mother had curly brown hair that she tied back in a bun. She had on a very professional uniform for work, which she was going to be late for soon, and she looked very tired. My mom was a very hard worker, and a great mom. She had experienced all different kinds of surprises being a mom and a school teacher….but nothing could have prepared her for what she was seeing now.
"Who the hell are you!?" She shouted. It was clear that she didn't know who I was. I quickly tried to save face.
"Mom, it's me," I cried in my new female voice, which made me cringe with disgust, "I'm Chase!" My mom let out a laugh.
"You lying little-" she started to advance towards me but I squealed and ran past her, rushing for the bed, trying to get behind something.
"No mom, I'm not lying! It's really me! I just woke up like this, I swear to God!" My mom didn't listen to any more of my explanation. She grabbed me by my wrist and slung me to the bed. I let out a cry as I crashed against it. Before I knew what was happening, my own mother was wrestling me to on the cushion, screaming at me. If I had been my normal size and gender, throwing her off would have been a snap…but it seemed that with this new body I had lost my physical power that I had as a boy! I could only barely keep my mom at bay.
"Where is Chase! Where is my boy!?" She shrieked.
"I AM CHASE!" I bellowed back. I began to think about what to say. It was clear that just saying my name over and over wasn't going to work, so I had to convince her by other means…what could I say to prove who I was. "I'm 18 years old! When I was 9 years old, I cracked the back of my head open on the coffee table downstairs! You work at the local elementary school and are one of the highest regarded teachers! Dad is a detective for the police department!"
"So you know a few things about him, that doesn't make you Chase!" My mom tried to claw at my face. Nothing I said was getting through to her…I had to say something that ONLY I would know….something that I would never tell anyone else. I had just the one…but I knew that it would rip mom in two for saying it. However, I couldn't hold her off for much longer and my arms were getting tired. I had no choice. I looked at my raging mother through tear filled eyes.
"You had a miscarriage 5 years after I was born!" I cried. Suddenly my mom stopped thrashing, and I felt her eyes boring into mine.
"W-what did you say?"
"I'm sorry mom…I know that I promised never to mention that…." I whimpered. Mom slowly got off of me and just stared. There was hurt in her eyes as she recalled that painful memory that I had brought up. However, it hadn't been for nothing. No one other than myself and my dad new about that miscarriage. She couldn't deny who I was now.
"Chase…sweetie, is that really you?" I felt myself begin to surrender to the tears. I felt them roll down my soft cheeks and onto the bed.
"Yes." I stammered. "It's me!" My mom shook her head in disbelief.
"But how?" She cried. "This is impossible."
"I don't know mom…I just woke up like this…and I don't know how it happened. I'm scared, mom…what do I do?" I cried. She quickly ran to the door.
"I'm calling your father. Wait right here, dear and don't go anywhere!" My mom rushed out of my room and I could hear her run to the kitchen phone to call my dad at work. I sat up on my bed and hugged my body. As I did, I felt my soft and feminine skin and shivered. I couldn't bare the touch…it was too strange and too foreign to me. I kept having to blow strands of hair out of my face as they blocked my vision and tickled my nose. I curled up into myself and, for the first time in a very long time I felt vulnerable. I was suddenly reminded just how big the world really was. I was so used to being strong and powerful…but now that it was gone, I didn't know what to do. My world had just changed so fast. I was scared…and I didn't know what to do anymore.
"Your father is on his way home now. He's skeptical, but we'll figure this out, dear." I didn't turn around to see my mother walk in. She walked over and sat down next to me on the bed. She put her arm around my shoulder. "I am so sorry for attacking you earlier. I didn't realize what had happened to you."
"Mom, what do I do now?!" I hiccuped. "What if I can't turn back?"
"Don't talk like that, Chase." She hissed. "We'll find a way." I didn't answer her or throw my doubts her way. I was too frightened. My mom tried to smile. "If nothing else…we'll need to find you some more suitable clothes…that shirt is about to fall right through you, honey." I knew that she was just trying to make me laugh…it was her common tactic. Whenever I had been upset or sad when I was a child, she would always say something to make me laugh…and it would work too. But this time was different. This time I could only bury my face in my hands and sob.
"Mom, I want to be a boy again!" I whispered. I felt my mom wrap her arms around me, trying to comfort me…desperately trying to help calm me down.
"I know dear…I know. So do I."